Speechless

“I am not what happens to me. I choose who I become.” ~Carl Jung

Some days, I'm just speechless. People in my family do and say things that just leave me, well, speechless. Like my oldest brother. What is he thinking? Does he really thinks that these things are going to make me love him? Um, no. They're not. They're making me HATE him. I'm not someone who hates people. But serious, I can't take it anymore. If you wanted to be a real brother, you would have done it a long time ago. And not just when Dad is around.

And my sister, the youngest of them. What is she thinking? You disappear for years, yes years, and now you think we're going to be all open arms? Do you think I'm going to act like we're best friends? I just wonder what goes through their heads. You know, I've never done anything to my siblings. But they've never accepted me either. Why? Because they think I have this amazing life? Um, no I don't! I work my butt off! I literally work 100 hours a week. On top of a full schedule at school. I'm putting myself through school. I sacrifice to get the things I want. Yes, my parents help me from time to time with certain things, but I do most of it on my own.

So what's the deal? At least I can respect certain siblings for being the same ruthless people that they are. Like my oldest sister. She's always treated me the same way. Never budged an inch! Always been who she is. So has my youngest brother. But these people that sit on the outside and play nice in front of people, I'm done with them. They have a heck of a lot to prove to me. Because I'm the little sister that never did a damn thing to them. So what's the deal here?

I so badly want to talk to them and ask them. Do you know, I have 9 siblings? And not one of them treats me like a sister! Not a single one! None of them respect me. Or gives me the time of day. But I have to say this, my nephews and nieces more than make up for them. I love them with all my heart! And in a lot of ways, they are like my brothers and sisters. I grew up with them. And they respect me. It's just crazy.

Maybe I'm just a big 'ol B. But you know what? I've never done a damn thing to these 9 people. I'm me. I've never changed the person that I am. I've been loving, and open armed. Wanting so badly to have some kind of a relationship with these people. But they don't want it. And I'm not going to force it. I'm 27 years old, I think I've been nice long enough. If they want to be a real brother or sister, the ball is in their court. I still have the same phone number. They know where to find me. You know, I'm just ready to move forward in my life. ♫