What's in a Name?

In the spirit of Mi Rosita, and the Baby Shower that we're having today, to celebrate her, I'm going to blog about her. Yes, Mi Rosita has been on every one's mind lately. Her mommy gave us all a big scare, earlier this week. When we thought she was going into labor. Before her Baby Shower! I know. That's our fault. As in, our group of friends. The summer has been a busy one, for all of us! And we just kept postponing this thing.

But today, as I get the last minute details together, I can't help but think about Mi Rosita. And all that she's going to be. The simple task, of coming up with her middle name, is a tough one. One that A and I are struggling with.



For all, but one of my Goddaughters, I've been asked to come up with a middle name. I've been part of the 2 man crew, whose job is to pick the perfect name. A name that goes well with her first name, that her padres picked out. But a name that means something. That symbolizes something we, as Godparents, want to instill in our Goddaughter. A name that will describe our love.

This is not A and I's first time either. We've been a part of this rodeo, a time or two. Something that we're familiar to. But not completely at ease with. Our Compadres A, haven't made it too easy either. They're still debating on a few names. And A and I, we've narrowed down our list. It's tough. This little princess is going to have this name for life. It's got to be perfect!

Yes, her presents are finished. Perfectly wrapped. And all the decorations are sitting neatly in my car. Food is ready. And we have a little bit of preparation left to do, closer to "party time." But we're ready.

Mi Rosita's name, not so much. But the 4 of us are hard at work. I'm pretty sure, the minute we see this sweet little girl, her name will just speak to us. We'll have found the perfect name for her. The name that was meant for her, and her alone.

Yes, we take this whole Godparent, naming, loving thing seriously around here. Because it's the only way to do it! Mi Rosita, we love you so much. And can't wait to meet you. Just a few days left. But today, we're going to have some fun. And later, finish up your nursery! ♫

Faith in God

I haven't updated you on My Lil' Southern Belle. For quite a while. But in her nearly 8 months, my little angel has been through so much. Do you remember her arrival? Ya, it's been tough.

And My Bestie, H, she's been struggling a lot too. Both of them have endured countless operations. My Bestie is now refusing anymore surgeries, until her little girl is doing better. And that worries me. So much!

The two really bright spots are, her brother is now with her all the time! And there is a particular man, that is just madly in love with H. And so desperately wants to be a Daddy, to this perfect little princess.

But life has not been easy. Unfortunately, I don't get to see them very often. Actually, it's been months since I've seen them. Because H lived in NC. Then a few weeks ago, she and her baby girl, were moved to TN. All for treatment. So, I don't get to see them. Not nearly as much as I'd like.

I do get to talk to H. And her brother. And this truly amazing man that loves her. The funny thing is, were all so deeply connected. My best friend, she married my boss/friend. We were the MOH and BM for the wedding. Then they separated. I became closer to Ol' Blue Eyes. And he hired H. Then we found out about My Lil' Southern Belle. Shortly after, there was this new man. Another good friend of Ol' Blue Eyes...

He and H became so close. He helped her with everything. Putting together her new house, moving, getting ready for the new baby girl. He spoiled them rotten. Bought them everything their hearts could desire. He is madly in love! Then, tragedy struck. We were all in Vegas. Except for H and her baby girl.

Now, Ol' Blue Eyes and I are Godparents, to this little angel. My friend has such an amazing support system. And a man that truly loves her. For her. And loves her baby girl. As if she were his own flesh and blood. H also got her little brother back.

On Tuesday, I got the biggest surprise ever! We were heading home. You know, our gig was over. I needed to get back to my hometown. For my niece's graduation party. And next week, on of my friends/band mates is getting married. So we loaded up some private plans. To head west.

What I failed to notice was, most of the luggage was going into our boss' plane. He told us, that he was going to head west for a few days too. Spend some time with the guys. They're going camping this weekend. And J's 2 planes were being loaded by the band and all our "crew." You know, wives, My Care Bear, Maestro G.

I boarded. Didn't think anything of it. And everyone was set to go home. What I failed to notice was, Ol' Blue Eyes and I, we were the only one in his airplane. Why? Because we were headed to TN, to see our Goddaughter.

By the time I realized, that we were the only 2 people there, the other planes were preparing for their departure. I really had no time to react. And when I found out we were going to TN, I cried. It was a short trip. And I knew it was going to be. But I was just so happy to see H and My Lil' Southern Belle.

No one knew of our plans either. Well, besides M and J. I was filled with excitement the entire flight. Just waiting to see My Bestie. The one woman, that is truly my sister. We've been through so much in our 23 years of friendship. It's unbreakable.

And the minute we walked into that room, my heart was overflowing with love. Pure emotion took over. My Bestie, all bandaged up. The unmistakable look of pain, worry, and anxiety on her face. I just hugged her. Held her as she cried. I was the strong one for her. Everything that she needed me to be. No words were shared. But everything I needed to know, I knew in that very instant.

When I got to hold that precious baby girl, I swear, I felt like God had wrapped his arms around us. She is no more than 9lbs. Not growing. Looking every bit like a newborn. Her head wrapped in bandages, and a small helmet. Tubes, IVs, and monitors surrounding her tiny body.

You'd think, with the work I do, I'd be used to this. But I wasn't. I clearly wasn't. Because this baby, I knew her. Personally. I loved her. I waited anxiously for her arrival. I prayed for her. I held her in my heart. And I was with her in the very beginning. For the first few days of her life. it was me and her. This was clearly different.

We spent a few hours there. I got to speak with her doctors, nurses, dietitians...anyone and everyone that was taking care of her. We talked about new treatments. The plans. The goals. What was next. What I thought might help. We consulted with other physicians. And I came out of it, feeling more at ease.

I wish that I had more days to spend with these 2 amazing people. Which I love so much! I wish that I could sit by that little crib, and sing lullabies, until my Goddaughter was fast asleep. I wish I could be there every single day for H. To help her through this. To make her stronger. And her daughter stronger. I wish I could. But life isn't like that. But for those few precious hours, I got to do just that.

I rocked this precious little girl. We talked. I sung my favorite lullabies. We read books. And I sat and listened to all those perfect baby sounds. I smelled her sweet baby smells. And watched her eat. I took in every second that I could. I needed to. We needed this.

And I did everything I could for H. Helped her shower. Washed her hair. Helped her to get dressed. Combed her hair. Got her good food. Made her bed a little more comfortable. Made sure she had snacks, magazines, and anything else she needed. We talked. We cried. We laughed. We hugged. And she told me that she was scared. So we prayed.

There are very few times in my life, when I've been this scared. But I was as strong as I could be. For this woman, my best friend, and her little girl. We'd walk through fire for each other. And on this day, I would have done anything that she needed. Anything.

And all there is left to do, is have faith in God. He knows best. He knows why we go through, what we go through. And only he knows why. So I told H, we must give him all of our pain, fear, and anxiety. We must trust, that he knows what's best. For all of us.

I do believe this. Deep in my heart and soul. Only God knows. And we must have faith in him. And trust him to do his work. Only he knows if this precious little girl, will ever live outside of a hospital. Or will be a normal little girl. To grow up, to be a normal woman. Only he knows.

But I still pray. And I ask for your prayers. For this little angel on Earth. And her Mommy. At the end of the end, they are really the only people that each of them has. And they need our love and prayers. Pray that God will do the best he can for them. Give them the best lives, that they can have. Please pray. ♫

God's Glory

Bright and early this morning, I decided that I wanted to go on a run. Before everyone got up. I knew it would be a late morning for my friends. Especially since our show went well until this morning.

But I wanted to run. To be part of nature. To inhale all the beauty, that the Earth has to give. So while the house was silent and still, I was putting on my running shoes. One dog in tow. Making my way out, to the Carolina Wilderness.

Ol' Blue Eyes must of heard me. I was not far from the house, when he ran up behind me. This man, is definitely not a runner, but decided to go with me. We ran. In silence. Taking in the beauty of this place. All of it. Quietly.

The only sounds came from our feet hitting the ground. Our breathing was perfectly in rhythm. Birds were singing. The breeze was light. It was the most perfect morning. I've not felt that refreshed in such a long time! And it felt good.

To have sweat running down your back. Your heart race. The sound of your own blood, go through your ears. To have all of your senses working at 100%. And to be taking in so much of God's glory. It was amazing!

Then we cleared some trees, and came to a clearing. All you could see, was the beautiful lake! Oh Dear Lord! How do people ever leave this area? I'd be no good to anyone, if I lived here. I'd want to run every morning. I'd want to spend my days lakeside. And my evenings cooking. What a life!

Well, my friend and I just sat in silence. Sharing an orange, and some water. Taking it all in. I realize now, his eyes, they're that same amazing shade of blue. And as incredible as I felt, after 10 miles of mountain running, he was so much more refreshed than I was. As if, the Earth was feeding his soul.

We were definitely in God's church. In his Kingdom. Taking in all of God's glory. But it didn't prevent us from church. Which we barely made it too. But this little church, in the middle of nowhere, set back 50 years, it was perfect. I tell you, there's not much about Carolina that I don't love. Not much at all.

And now that all my friends are awake and fed, we've made our plans for the afternoon. Lot's of nothing, by the lake. What do you think? Sounds like paradise to me! I hope you have an amazing day too! It truly is God's Day! Happy Sunday! ♫

Reflecting

After the busy, nonstop, and exciting week that I had, I want to just stop and relax. To reflect on the good in my life. The positives. All that I've accomplished. All that I've been blessed with.

I often hear things like, you have it so easy. Your parents do it all for you. Blah, blah, blah. But I don't think people realize, just how much I work. How I am the one that foots the bills. I pay for school. I do those things. To save money, I walk to school every single day. Even when we had snow. Or when it's 104 degrees. I do that.

But I'm OK with it. Because I'm an adult. And it's what adults do. They take care of themselves. It's not always easy. Heck, there are days. Very bad days. When I just want to give up. When the hospital stuff is just too much. When I've been pushed to my limits. Held by gunpoint. When I have stacks of homework to do. And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I'm tired. When I'm barely able to buy a box of macaroni. But I never give up.

God has such grace for us. Kindness, love, and support. He keeps us going, even when we can't keep ourselves going. He sends us special people. Amazing friends. Great mentors. Even perfect strangers. All to show us the way. To help us on our journeys. To love us. To help us. And even to shoulder some of our burdens.

I know this first hand. I've experienced it. I'm not looking to be any one's hero, or angel. But I will help people, as much as I possibly can. Because I know I have a God to depend on. A God that is there for me. Even when I feel so alone. So I'll take care of my friends' kids, on those days when I know they need a break. I'll buy groceries for a hungry mom and her kids. Even if it means I go home with nothing. And it's me, that makes all those things for the kids in PEDS, the PICU, and the NICU. Because it makes me feel better, deep inside, were it matters most.

Maybe it's the fact, that I spent almost a week, with truly kindhearted people. That wanted nothing more, than to share their wealth. And I don't mean money. I mean time, love, and talents. I spent so much time with my favorite itty bitties. Just soaking up, all of their love. Learning so much from these innocent children.

But today, I woke up, with a new attitude. One of purity, honesty, open heartiness, full of love, and wanting to do better. I've struggled with a heavy heart. Especially towards my family, for a while now. Maybe it's the way they put me down, the things they say about me, or just the way I'm treated. But I've carried this heavy heart, for far too long now.

I want to be better. I want to do better. I want to be a better person. I want to be a forgiving person. Not for the other people, but for me. I want to let go. And let things just be. I want to be a happier person.

Over the years, I've learned how to do that with friends. To let them go. Even when I didn't want to. Realizing, the ones that truly care, well, they never really go away. A great example is My Music Man. As much as I have pushed him away, he's fought to be part of my life. He truly wants to be in my life.

And I need to do this. I need to be graceful enough to stop holding the hurt. For those siblings that honestly hurt me, so painfully so, I need to let go of it. It doesn't mean that I have to tolerate their actions. But I also don't have to hold on to all of that hurt and pain.

Most of all, I need to continue to pray for God's love and guidance. To allow him to show me the way. To lead me towards the good in life. To help me make my talents stronger. If it's medicine I'm meant to work in, I know, God will help me find the way. Finances and all. He's always been here.

But as much as I need and want to do all of this, I need to remember me. I need to start putting me and my needs ahead of others. Because I never do. How can I be a better person, if I never work on me? How can I be strong enough to take care of others, if I'm not taking care of me? I need to learn how to be better to myself.

Days like today, remind of how blessed I am. But they also show me how far I still need to go. God's journey for us, well it takes a lifetime. We're never really done. But with each new step, we grow. Stronger, more loving, and into better souls. ♫

Happy Easter!

Today is a glorious day! He is risen! I honestly can't think of a better day. Or a better reason to celebrate. Our Lord gave his life for us, and today, he is risen.

My plans are very simple. We're going to church. Sunrise mass. My favorite way to celebrate Easter. Then, my parents and I are going out to breakfast. Most likely, Cracker Barrel. One of my favorite places to go on a holiday.

Our afternoon will be filled with "Family Time." My cousin is hosting a BBQ at her house. And I'm honestly, really excited about it. I miss spending time with my family. And this, well it's going to be a nice day. Lots of family time. And lots of rejoicing! Happy Easter! ♫

Thinking About Christmas...

There was not a whole lot that I expected, or wanted, this year for Christmas. I was hoping for a simple day or two at home, with my parents. I had a few things that I really wanted. A couple of craft books, a crochet magazine subscription, and a scarf. Mostly, I was looking forward to some chili rellenos, and time with my parents. And I really wanted to go to Midnight Mass at our church.

It's almost been a month since Christmas. And honestly, this year, Christmas was a blur. I'm not even sure if I wished my Mom a Merry Christmas. I spent the early morning hours talking to my Dad, and praying. Usually I'm up wrapping presents until 4AM! And I had planned on going to Midnight Mass alone. But none of that happened.

It's all OK though. Because my Dad is OK. Minus the little sugar scare yesterday morning. He's honestly doing really well. Gaining strength with each passing day. And I guess being Diabetic Certified is coming in handy now. :) But honestly, Christmas came and went with little notice by me. Sad, but true. All that was on my mind, was getting my Dad healthy. And keeping my Mom calm.

A few years ago, I had a pretty sad Christmas too. Just some personal things that were going on. In the end, my parents and I enjoyed a quiet holiday together. Just the 3 of us. And after Christmas, we took a little road trip through the mountains. That was the year that taught me a lot about myself. For all sorts of reasons.

This year, I looked back on that simple holiday. I'm one of those people that usually write out 500 Christmas cards, bake enough cookies for the US Army, and decorate my house to look like a Christmas Wonderland. Christmas is truly one of my favorite times of year. I just love my religion, and this holiday is all about religion.

But that year, and this past year, it was different. I came home Wednesday, and I saw my sad decorations. Just a wreath on my door, and some bells on my front door. That's it!!! Not me at all! I never set up my Advent Wreath, or Nativity Scene set up. I didn't pick out a Christmas outfit, never finished my shopping, or started my baking, no Christmas cards were sent, and honestly, I think I wore a mismatched pair of sweats on Christmas Day. With snowflake socks, and the same pair of ballet flats that I wore for 2 weeks! I definitely didn't pack, to be home for almost a month.

This year, I definitely became closer to God. It was the first time that I was really scared about losing my Dad. Really scared! As a medical professional, I'm trained to handle tough cases. I've saved a life with a gun to my head. But when it's your parent, it's completely different. And when you see you Dad laying on the ground, bleeding from his head, turning blue, the entire world just stops.

I kept it together. For the most part. I had to. We don't have many people to lean on. And during those first few hours, all my Mom and I really had, was each other. And I needed to protect her. I was the strong one. The one that knew what was coming. The one that sent my Mom to the waiting room, and sat there with my Dad. Knowing that pain and even a bit of yelling was coming.

I anticipated those things. I protected my Mom. And I took care of my Dad. All those nights in the hospital, I stayed up. Talking to my Dad. Praying to God. Pleading with Patrick. Holding on to my faith. And just believing we'd all be OK. I cried. But not until late at night. When my Mom was asleep.

I'm almost positive that my Dad doesn't remember any of this. Or any of the conversations we had. I held tight to my faith. I prayed. I asked God for his grace, love, and strength. And I just held out hope.

We were very lucky. To have amazing people in our lives. Having some of the most amazing friends and family. Friends who are close to my heart. People that I feel closer to than my own family. Lots of prayers. From family and friends, near and far. People who visited every single day. Loved ones that were there for us, when we needed them the most. Whether it was the daily visit, the delicious food, the conversations, the support, or the love...it all meant so much!!!

And during this time, I really felt God's love. I have amazing friends here, that prayed for my Dad and our family. Friends who have never met my parents. They held special masses, said rosaries, and just prayed for us. So many people prayed. And through the power of prayer, love, and support...my Dad made it! :)

It's going to be a long recovery. It's an adjustment for my parents. But I'm just grateful to have my Dad back. He's making a recovery. And I'm so grateful for that. I'm literally speechless. God is Great!!!

This year, Christmas came almost a week late. No fancy dinner. No mass. Heck, I was still wrapping the few presents we had managed to buy one another. It took hours to get through our few gifts. You know, we had a break for a snack, and a little nap. But in the end, I was happy to be with my 2 parents. At home. And healthy.

Christmas isn't about presents, parties, shopping, big meals, or even actually attending mass. It's about those things we hold dear in our hearts. Celebrating Jesus Christ. Remembering what's important. The power of prayer. And the love of family and friends.

This year, the Christmas tree, lights, and all that wrapping paper didn't matter. I didn't watch a single Christmas movie. And I only had 1 relleno. Yes, 1! But I've never been so happy to sit in my parent's living room, listening to my parents sleep. Silly I know. But for us, this year, it really was the sound of pure bliss.

And after weeks at home, 2 trips to my home and back, lots of cooking, cleaning, and medical advice...I'm just happy to know my parents are doing well. Years from now, I'll look back on this holiday season, and remember all the love that I'm surrounded with. The people that truly love me and my family. The people that matter most. I'll remember how love really does conquer all. And that nothing is more important than religion.

Now, I need to get ready. I'm heading home for work. I'll be back by Sunday. To work out here. Honestly, I'm just excited to see my parents! It's been less than 48 hours since I've last seen them. And only 8 hours since we've talked on the phone. But honestly, I cherish every moment that we share. Happy Friday! ♫

Thankful

The last few weeks, heck, the last few months have been tough. Crippling at times. I'm not going to lie. But tonight, I'm Thankful. And very grateful. My Goddaughter, My Lil' Southern Belle, she made it out of surgery. It's going to be a long road. A long road to recovery. But we're all going to make it.

I pray every single day. For her health, safety, and happiness. It means so much to me. Having so much faith in God, it makes my life so much more rewarding. I never feel alone. Because I have someone to depend on. Someone who is always here for me. I'm Thankful. God is the greatest!

And as I know, through experience from the hospital, this is going to be a long road. But I know, by having faith, we're all going to make it. My Lil' Southern Belle is going to make it. She's going to get healthy and strong. And one day, we'll get to run around together. Play in the playground. And snuggle up in bed together. I know this. Because I believe in God. ♫

When Goodbyes Are Too Tough

My heart is completely broken. Shattered to be exact. My "Superman" has lost his cape. 3 days after finding out, I think I'm finally processing everything. Patrick is no longer with us...

My friend, he was so much more than a friend. He started out as my parents' boss. Then became their friend. He was my mentor and role model growing up. And I can proudly say, as an adult he was my friend. And my second Dad. I say Dad instead of Father, because he was that close to me. That special and important to my heart and soul.

There are more times than I can remember, when I would call him to just talk. Talk about school, life, whatever was on my mind. And he was always there for me. With the best advice. Telling me how important all these things in life were. Like a college education, a good home, responsible finances, a good man to love, and even some time for my hobbies.

I knew Patrick for over 20 years. In those 20 years, he became one of the most important people in my life. I can say that full heartedly. Patrick was there when my family was not. For all the big steps and moments in my life. He was there. I could always count on him.

Even in my darkest days. The days when I wasn't so sure about my next step. He was there for me. Guiding me, and cheering me on. Without ever asking him, Patrick was just there. No matter if it was for a funeral for someone in my family, or just to listen to me talk. He was there for me.

I knew he had health problems. He was battling some of the most critical illnesses that I've ever heard about. But he never complained. Never showed signs of weakness. He was always so strong. So optimistic. Even knowing, that one day he would pass away from these very illnesses.

That's tough. But Patrick taught me so much. Especially in his last few months. He taught me about grace, love, and perseverance. Mostly, he taught me about faith. I always thought I was a religious person. But Patrick is someone who sincerely lived by the ways of God. I will always remember that.

In these tough times, I try to remember the things about Patrick that made me smile and laugh. His love of eating. I don't think there was a single thing the man didn't like. But his favorites included carne adovada and pineapple upside down cake. I would bake him cakes, just to see his eyes light up. Oh and his love for Sabor a Mi. :)

There were also the years and years, of him trying to set me up with his son. It really made me laugh. Nothing could stop him. Not the fact that I went to one high school, and his son to another. Our schools were rivals. He thought we'd be a perfect pair. Because I was a cheerleader and his son was a basketball player. Nevermind years later, when he tried to set us up again. His son had a girlfriend. But Patrick was trying. He never could accept that I'd never be his daughter in law. He even joked that he should have had another son.

I'm going to miss Patrick so very much. He was definitely one of my "7 Pivotal People." I owe so much to Patrick. I'm going to miss those hugs. And our long chats. I'm going to miss the silly e-mails. And the fact that I never got my #2, 3, or 4 pictures. Or that he broke his promise to be at my wedding. But I'm always going to carry Patrick in my heart.

Today was a very fitting day for his burial. Today is Fall Equinox. If you knew anything about Patrick, you'd understand the importance. The big rain storm that we had today, happened just as Patrick was being laid to rest. It felt like the world was weeping for this great man, just like we were. And as I sit here typing, and smelling the fresh crisp air, I can't help but to play back so many great memories of my dear friend, Patrick. Rest in Peace with the Angels in Heaven. One day, we shall meet again. ♫

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! Today is such a beautiful day. I'm excited to see the sun starting to rise. And I just can't believe how lucky we are. Jesus has risen today. He gave his life for us. And today, he has risen. You can't deny his love for us.

And I also can't deny my love for my family and friends. I hope everyone has an amazing day! Because I have to be on the road soon, we had our big Easter dinner last night. But I'm still glad that I get to spend some time with my family. And hopefully I get to see my Nanie today. She came back last night.

Stay safe and have a very Happy Easter! Don't forget to stop and thank our Dear Lord for everything he's given to us. And make sure to tell your loved ones how much you love them. ♫

Sacrifice

Well, today we're headed to the mountains. I'm so excited! I honestly can't wait to see my Nanie and Tatie. I'm anxious to get to the mountains. And I'm ready to just relax. Most of all, I'm just ready to spend time with my family.

But today I want to talk about Lent. And about the sacrifices we make for Lent. I was someone who would give up all meat, chocolate, and nuts during Lent. Pretty much, I couldn't eat a thing! But I felt like my sacrifices were necessary. And well thought out. Until 2 years ago. When I found out I was severely anemic. It couldn't have happened at a worse time...2 days before Lent. What was I going to do?

So I talked to my priest. And he told me to look at Lent as a time to not sacrifice things...like material objects or food. But to sacrifice my time to do things that would better other people's lives. So I thought for a minute, and I realized what I was going to do.

I started crocheting for charity. This year, I decided to make 2 amis for every day in Lent, and 1 child sized hat. That's 80 amis, and 40 hats. Totally doable. I also decided to go to church more. I go to mass every Sunday. Even though I work on Sundays, I go to the Chapel service at the hospital. I also go on Wednesday afternoons. We have a lunchtime service. And on Tuesday and Thursday nights, I go to mass. Which is fun, because I get to see all of my friends. And 3 of my Goddaughters. :) But I've also made it a point to go on Friday evenings during Lent. We pray the Stations of the Cross.

This year, I totally exceeded my expectations. I made 100 amis, 50 hats, and 10 small blankets. I donated them to the PEDS unit, at a hospital in my hometown. It felt good. So many kids got a new toy to love. And the small sacrifice of time, well it was completely worth it! I even finished early. Before Easter. So I felt especially good.

Do I still wish I could fast during Lent? Yes. I had been doing it since I was 11 years old. But I found a new way to sacrifice, but still give back. Father R is such a special guy. I'm glad that he's our priest. And that God put him in my path. Honestly, I enjoyed having dinner at church. They would feed us after mass on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights. Nothing big, just veggie caldito and bread. But it was special.

In the end, the last few years have made me feel really good about myself. I realize now that it's really easy to make someone else smile. And Lent is about more than just personal sacrifice. It's about growing as a person. It's about reconnecting with God. And doing good in the world. ♫