Whoa!!!

This is the post, were I get all crazy, and heavy on emotion. If you're not prepared for that, you might not want to read this.

I don't know what it is. I'm not a person that lives life, by the numbers. You know, I didn't care when I turned 21. Yes, my friends and I were in Las Vegas. But we were there to work. I was just happy to get my favorite mini wedding cake. :) So when I turned 30, just a few weeks ago...it literally came and went. No "BIG" excitement.

I got phone calls from family and friends. A ton of messages on FB, and Twitter. It was nice. But it was just another day for me. Maybe because my parents, never really made a big deal about birthdays, when I was growing up. Maybe because my Dad never remembered, it was my birthday. Or that there has been so many family issues going on, that I just didn't care.

But something has been missing. And I wasn't quick, to figure it out. Until yesterday. It got me thinking. 12 years ago, I thought I'd be married by 20. Done with school by 22. And would have a couple of kiddos running around my home, by 25. Yes, I've accomplished a lot. Received more than 1 degree. Debt free, I might add. I've paid off my home. And my car. But something has been missing...

Yesterday, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe because I got to spend a few hours, with these cute twins. And honestly, all  my friends...and their kiddos. Maybe it's because, I'll be in a friend's wedding this weekend. As the "Maid of Honor." For the umpteenth time. Maybe it was my sweet Goddaughter's meltdown on Monday night.

I don't know. I can't pinpoint the exact reason. Just that something has been feeling "wrong" for a while. I mean, even 6 months ago, I wasn't this miserable. But now, I run from one crazy place to another. I'm taking care of a sick parent. Trying to juggle 100+ hours of work. School stuff. Writing for a magazine. And a newspaper. Endless paperwork for my parents. Running errands. Crazy traveling schedules. Really, I don't have much "down time." And I'm starting to get resentful, because of it.

Remember how I told you, that by 25 I thought I'd be married, a mommy, and well the "Keeper of the Home." But it hasn't happened. Honestly, I thought I'd be that mujer. That would get up early. Make her hubby breakfast, see him off to work. Spend my days breastfeeding, changing cloth diapers, doing said hubby's laundry, cooking meals, and digging in our garden.

I never thought it would be easy. Do you know my family? Nothing has ever been easy. I expected that there would be days, that I'd want to pull my hair out. That my beloved husband, would drive me nuts! And those babes that I'd birthed...I just knew, they'd test me in ways, that I'd never dreamt of.

But somewhere along the lines, I've sacrificed my life...for other people. I've put my dreams, on the back burner. I've buried myself in work. Because in those walls of the hospital, little can bother me. Little can hurt me. And I can control, most of what's going on.

You see, I can go to work, and forget about family crap. The siblings that make life...well a living hell. Not all of them are like that. But there are some, that just don't let me live. And in the hospital, I don't have to worry about them. I also don't have to worry about people, who try to keep me from my grandparents. Or aging parents, who I'm deathly afraid of losing.

Hurt and pain, can be minimized at work. You can hold yourself at arms length. You can get lost in hours of surgery. In complicated cases. In sick kiddos, who just want your help. You can quickly forget, that you are alone in this world. Maybe that's why so many of the doctors, don't mind these crazy schedules. Or the fact that we go to work at 5PM. And rarely leave before 5AM. That most days, we spend more time, in the hospital...then out of it. That we make more trips to work, in one day, than most people make in a week.

But then, in the quiet moments, you start to remember life. When you're holding an innocent and sick baby...you realize that's all you want. Is a baby. Even a sick baby, is better than no baby. A little person, that is part of you. When you see married couples, you realize, you want that. Even the ones who continuously argue. And might I add, about stupid things. Like the flavor of gum, the husband has just bought. You want, and crave, that company. That person to lean on, when times are tough.

I had this raw conversation with my good friend J, last night. We were making final travel plans for this weekend. When I'm the "Maid of Honor," and he's the "Best Man." Making sure I knew when and where to be. So I didn't miss the flight. We were finalizing the Bride and Groom's Honeymoon plans. Because this man is so incredibly sweet! He's paying for their Honeymoon!!!

It just got me thinking. And emotional. Having read this, just hours before...didn't help matters. Because it was everything, that I was feeling. And I caught myself, silently praying that same prayer. That J stays single for another 10 years...

You see, years and years ago, we agreed on something. Something silly. But something the two of us, have hung onto. Silently. Never talking to each other about it. Just hoping. That by the time I'm 40, if neither of us are married, or have kids...we'd have some babies together. Possibly get married.

I read this on Monday. When we were flying back from Dallas. And I kept asking myself, "What are you waiting for? He's the one! You've always known it!" The reality is, I think I've always known it. From that first instant, when we locked eyes. Those green eyes, they had me. That sweet smile, made me melt. Even in a crowd of people, as I performed, he grabbed my attention. But I've always been scared. Because what if it doesn't work? I'd be losing my best friend. What if he doesn't love me, as much as I love him? What if I got hurt?

All of those things, have allowed me, to stay at arms length. To keep J, just far enough away. But close enough, to lean on. Because let's be real, when times are tough, he's the one I run to. My friend is the should I cry on. All 6'4" of strong, muscular cowboy. With that crook'd smile. Sweet green eyes. Sandy colored hair. He's the man, that makes me feel safe. Like really safe.

He doesn't judge. Knows every stinking thing, about me. And loves me, for me. You know, he laughs at the silly stories. The stupid things I get myself into. He's proud of my accomplishments. And is ALWAYS there, when I need help.

No matter what it is. A shoulder to cry on. He's there. I swear to you, that little "nook," was made just for me. I don't know how many shirts of his, that I've ruined. Because the tears came way too fast. Or how many times I've called J, because I need some help with my tuition payments, buying a book for school, or heck...food. I'm not ashamed to admit it. He's been there. He's come with boxes of food, when he's noticed I'm without. Not judging. Just brought it through my front door, loaded up my fridge, and gave me a hug. J even created a position in his company, so I'd have a job.

I often panic, to think he might realize how handsome he is. Or what a good catch he is. How all those women, are really looking at him. And what a catch, all of those women really are. You know, size 0, smokin' hot, great personality types. They practically scare Jesus out of me. But J, he's usually concerned with bulls, oil, chili, pecans, or something else like that.

Seriously, how many men do you know...that are happy to play princess with their Goddaughters? Or go out and buy every pink food and drink, so those same Goddaughters, can have a tea party. Or like Monday evening, run around town, looking for that doll...that was ruined. Not many. And let me tell you, nothing melts my heart more, than watching J with kids. When I walk into his home, and he and one of our Goddaughters are fast asleep. On the sofa. Big, muscular Cowboy J. Covered with a princess blanket, and a small girl nestled on his chest.

He's the same man I call, when that one light bulb burns out. Because I can never reach it. The one I call, to tell all about that tough surgery that I had. The one that last 2 hours longer, than I expected. And challenged me, in every possible way. I call him, when I'm especially worried about my Dad. And he always makes me feel better.

J is the man, that I can spot across a room. Or a field of chili. And immediately lock eyes with. Somehow, that connection, makes my heart sing. He's the man, that makes me feel safe. And happy. That in every sense of a man, is a gentleman. He makes you feel, like a woman. Treats me with respect. Is more in love with God, than even I am.

He listens to me. Gives me the best advise. Helps me. Encourages me. Challenges me. Makes me laugh, until I swear I can't breathe. He distracts me, from my troubles. But helps me work through them. J is that one person in my life, that knows what I'm thinking, before I think it.

10 years ago, I dreamt of being married. Barefoot and pregnant. I had big dreams. Dreams that meant a lot to me. I was ready for all of that. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Who would have thought, during those first few weeks of college, that I'd meet this man. The one, that continues to make me dream. And hope.

When I think I can't dream any bigger, he challenges me. Because J, he dreams HUGE!!! He works hard. And plays HARDER. He loves with every being of his body. And expects, the best out of everyone around him.

It's been a tough year. We're only 3 1/2 months in. And I'm spent. I'm worried. In some areas, I've given up. Like Valli, I don't NEED a man. Or babies. But I WANT them. I've sacrificed so much, to get to this point. I've taken care of everyone around me. Maybe I'm just ready, to let someone take care of me. Remind me, that life is going to be OK. That not every single day, needs to be on the "edge of disaster."

I sometimes think, that God is screaming at me. Telling me to stop being so stupid. To let love in. And learn to let go, of certain situations. To make people, more accountable for themselves. To quit caring so much.

It's crazy when you get to this point. I even without realizing it, told J something, that even shocked me. "I'd get married. Tomorrow. If I could go on that trip, have a pair of CL stilettos, and just be happy for a second. Really happy. You know what I mean?" I hope he didn't get the wrong idea.

Lastly, I'm pretty sure Dr. S' wife, "The Bride," was equally shocked. Yesterday morning. When in passing I told her, "I'd walk away from it all. This career. My home. My hometown. All of this. If I could find real love. Could make a real family, for myself. And can be happy. Even if, for just a second. I NEED that. I don't need all of this. I just want to be happy." ♫

Makes Me Smile

The moment I seen this necklace, I had a smile on my face! It is just the cutest thing ever. The pinwheel reminds me of my childhood. And summer. All those summer evenings that I spent with my Grandma S. Sitting in her porch. Playing with pinwheels.

You know the ones. You would buy them at the store for a dollar. They were made out of a very thin plastic-foil type of material. You'd play with them all summer, and then, you weren't quite sure what happened to them...

This necklace just reminds me of a time past. Filled with laughter and happiness. Now, I'll be saving up my pennies for this little gem. Oh, I just can't wait! ♫

Sisterly Love

If you are someone from my family, you know, I have 8 half siblings. For my entire life, I've been closer to my 2 youngest sisters. Unfortunately, many of my brothers and I, aren't exactly on the same page. But my sisters, they've been there for me.

It's crazy. In the last 12 years or so, I've really lost touch with my hermanas. It makes me so sad. It hardens my heart. And honestly, it makes me feel incomplete. I really wish, that I could get in touch, with my sisters.

My Mom's daughter and I, were never super close. But we got along. And we saw each other when we could. But honestly, it's been nearly 10 years since we've seen each other. That saddens me. So much!

About 2 months ago, I reached out. We sent text messages back and forth. And talked about meeting up. Before she left town. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. I wish it had. I miss my sister. And now, all I can do is hope. That we can reconnect sometime soon.

Then there is my Dad's daughter. We were super close. For years and years, there was rarely a day that would go by, that we didn't see each other. I love my sister so much. We were so close. And it's super sad to say, but we haven't spoken in almost 10 1/2 years!

I think about her all the time. And honestly, I wish I could talk to her. I wish that we'd run into each other. Somewhere. Because I really miss her. We were so close. I miss that. She was the only sibling, that I've ever had, who treated me with love, respect, and care.

Most of all, I miss just hanging out with her. Laughing. Sharing our lives. Cooking together. The simple things. Celebrating our birthdays together. I miss just spending time together. Being sisters and friends. I miss my sister more than words can say.

It's crazy. The older I get, the more I miss my sisters. It's like I need them more. I need them in my life. I want them in my life. If only. If only we were closer. We had more time together. Had a better bond. Didn't have the family issues to deal with.

My sisters mean the world to me. And if I can help mend our broken relationships, I'm all in! If only I had a way to get in touch with them. To build back our broken relationships. To be sisters and friends again. I pray for this every single day! ♫

Who's Who

If you've been reading my blog, you're probably wondering...Who's who? Who are you talking about? Why do you use initials and not names? What's with these nicknames?

Well, I know my friends are cautious about their kids. And they have every right to be. So in our private blogs, we share pictures. And names. But here, I'll use initials. I've come up with nicknames, just for the blog, for my Goddaughters. They either have something to do with my Goddaughter's name, her favorite character, or something that reminds me of her. That's it.

But I know it can get a little confusing. So I'm going to try and give you a bit of a legend. Maybe it will make reading my blog a little more simple. A little easier to read and understand. So here goes...

My Goddaughters:

♥My 'Rella: She's my first Goddaughter. She battled cancer for almost 5 years. And is now in remission. Her parents are my Compadres CJ.
♥My Care Bear: She's a cutie pie! My oldest Goddaughter. Her dad is Maestro G.
♥Mi Princesa: She's from a BIG familia! Familia G. My Compadres G are her parents. Her big sister is Big M. Her little sister is Little M. And her twin sister and brother are Baby M and Baby D.
♥My Lovebug: My cutie patootie Goddaughter. Her parents are my Compadres P.
♥My Lil' Cowgirl: She's my Compadres T's baby girl. Her mom is M. M is also my friend/hairstylist/MUA. Her dad is B. Who is also in charge of the Country Band. Her big sister is L, and her twin brother is R.
♥Mi Florecita: She's my little Mexicanita! Her parents are my Compadres MG.
♥Mi Estrellita: She's my primos daughter! Yes, I have one Goddaughter who is also familia.
♥My Jellybean: Her parents are so much fun! I met her dad in college. They're also known as my Compadres M.
♥My Lil' Southern Belle: She's my Goddaughter who is sick. Daughter to my Best Friend. Also known as my Bestie.
♥My Lil' Sunshine: The youngest daughter to my friend D. She's been such a blessing! And such an unexpected Goddaughter. Her mom converted to Catholicism after a tough divorce.

My Soon-to-Be Goddaughters:

♥My Lil' Apple: I went to school with her parents. I worked with her mom, E. And now I work with her dad, P. There also known as my Compadres R.
♥My Lil' Fashionista: Her mom is the stylist that our band uses. And also an amazing friend! I refer to her as C.
♥My Lil' Birdie: Her parents are my Compadres S.
♥Mi Munequita: Her parents are my Compadres C. My Music Man and I are also their Padrinos. And soon to be Compadres.
♥Mi Rosita: Her parents are my Compadres A.

My Amigos:

♥My Bestie: My best friend from childhood.
♥My Compadres C: We've been friends forever! My Music Man and I are they're Padrinos. We're all super close. And we met in college.
♥A: He's a good friend. Who plays in the Mariachi with me. Our trumpet player. He's also Mi Princesa's Godfather.
♥'Ol Blue Eyes: My boss and friend. Amazing guy. He's also My Lil' Southern Belle's Godfather.
♥Cowboy J: He's my boss and friend. Owns The Ranch. And is My Lil' Cowgirl's Godfather. He's also in the Country Band.
♥O: A really good friend of mine. Who's also a Mariachi musician. He's B's widow. My 'Rella and My Care Bear's Godfather.
♥B: A good friend of mine. Who got called to Heaven so early in here life. She is missed so much! She was supposed to be My 'Rella's Godmother.
♥My Music Man: What is he? A Mariachi musician, in the Country Band with me. A good friend. I don't know what else to say. He wears a lot of hats. :)
♥B or sometimes Cowboy B: My friend, the founder of the Country Band. Dad to My Lil' Cowgirl.
♥M: B's wife. My Lil' Cowgirl's mom. A good friend. My MUA/hairstylist.
♥C: Another amazing friend. Our stylist for the Country Band. An amazing seamstress!
♥The Cowboy: A friend of mi familia. It's sorta complicated...
♥Maestro G: A good friend. Almost dad like figure. Musical genius! Almost manager. My Care Bear's dad. And My Jellybean's Godfather.
♥Dr. S: My supervisor at work.
♥Dr. M: One of the Drs. I work with.
♥Dr. P: A doctor that I once worked with. He's trying to get me to move to NC. To work in the hospital where he is now the chief.
♥Dr. L: A really good friend. A doctor that I work with from time to time. And he's also a musician.

I think that's a pretty good start. What do you think? If you're still confused, please leave a comment. Maybe I can help. Or you can help me explain. But I hope this helps out a bit. ♫

Missing Both of Them...

It's been a few years since I've seen my nephew. The last time seen him, he was in the hospital. He had nearly died. I went to visit him. Although he couldn't speak, I knew he recognized me. I went as often as I could. Which honestly, was not near as enough. But I tried.

It's weird. You know, we pretty much grew up together. Sure, he's a few years older than me. I was in elementary school, when he was in high school. But we always seemed to have a bond. We'd joke. and he'd always take care of me. Almost like he was my big brother. :)

Years later, and shortly before he was hospitalized, he had a son. The most precious little boy I've ever seen! So cute. And my nephew made sure to bring him by. He wanted his little boy to know his "Gramps," my Mom, and I. I enjoyed all the time we spent together. I really cherished it.

Long before I was a "Nana" to many little girls, my nephew and his girlfriend, asked me to be their son's Godmother. I was so excited! I even went out looking for a cute tuxedo and all. But like I said, life had some twists and turns for us. And my nephew was soon fighting for his life. The Baptismo was no longer the priority.

It's been years. Many, many years. And my nephew and his little boy are always on my mind. I often wonder how they are all doing. I pray for them. And I ask God to watch over them. To take care of them. Because I love them so much!



This song, always reminds me of my nephew. Funny how just when I'm thinking about him, I hear this song. I can still see him dancing to it. When I was little, my sister lived in this trailer. My nephew would blast his "jam" and dance. Literally, the entire trailer would shake. I thought it was so funny. So he'd do it more. My sister didn't always feel the same way.

I really wish that I could see my nephew and his little boy again. I miss them so much! Is it nuts that I still have presents for him? In my closet! I just wish that I could see them. To make sure they're OK. Either way, they're always on my mind, and in my heart. I just hope,that they know, just how much I love them both. ♫

Happy 4th of July!

I just want to wish everyone a very Happy and Safe 4th of July! I wish I could be home. And celebrating with all of my familia. But work calls. And all of those duties. So enjoy the day. Eat lots of yummy comida! And be safe. We don't need any more wildfires. Happy 4th of July! ♫

Mean

It's been 18 months...

He tells people all the good things. Tries to act like "the good guy." But he's not. And there are some people, that can see through it. They call me and ask me. I'm truthful. If you want to know, just ask. I'll tell you.



This song, the moment I heard it, reminded me of him. Because he's mean. Cruel at times. I know. I've experienced it. He knows the most hurtful things to say. And just when to say them.

But like the song says, one day, I'll be doing better. Living a better life. And where will he be? You know, there are already so many people, that don't want to be around him. He's going to be all alone.

It's sad. A person like this can damage so many lives. Hurt so many people. Be so deceitful. Can literally ruin a family. But I won't let him ruin me. I'll prove to him, that I'm a better person. I will make more of my life.

It's horrible to have to feel this way. And to know the real reason. But I can't change it. He doesn't give me reasons to change it. All I can do is, pray. And let God take care of it.

I guess the craziest part is, he wants to go to my house. Yes, my house! Really?!?!?! Because that will never, ever happen. Not when I know the truth. When I know that he sent an ex-con my way. Trying to intimidate me. It didn't work.

But one day, people will know the truth. They'll know the kind of person that he is. The kind of things that he does. They will know the facts. All I really know is, I'm not going to let him get me down. Not for one more day. I'm stronger than this. And I will prove that much. ♫

Mi Abuelito

Yesterday, I was feeling a lot better. A lot better than I was feeling on Monday. A little more rested. A heck of a lot more alert. And just in a better mood. So I decided, to go see my Tatie.

You know, after all that drama that happened a few weeks ago, I was a little uncertain. But determined. I wanted to see my Tatie. To make sure he was OK. And to let him know that I love him. I'm praying for him. And I'm on his side.

I drove to his house. And I found him sitting outside. With my Nanie and aunt. I was not rude. Or "in your face." I could have been. But what would that have accomplished? I was there to spend time with my Tatie.

After a while, it was just the 2 of us. I didn't ask questions. Or even wonder how they allowed us this time. Instead, I thoroughly enjoyed our time alone. Hearing from my Tatie, that he was doing well. He ate. We talked. We moved around. And honestly enjoyed the fresh air.

I did tell him about what happened to my parents. He asked me for some phone numbers. He told me to pass along some messages. And to try and get him a few more phone numbers. Why? Because he wants to talk. To have communication with his family. Not just the ones that are "controlling things." But all of his family.

I assured him, I'd get the messages out. I'd try and track down phone numbers. I told him, not to hesitate to call me. No matter what. And I'm so glad, that we got that chance to talk. And that it was just between us.

I feel like I owe so much to my grandparents. You know, for everything they did for me growing up. Especially my Tatie. And whatever it is, that he needs, I'll try and do it. My heart feels so much more at ease. Just because I got to talk to him. We were honest. He asked me some honest questions. I told him everything I knew. It was a good time.

And when I got back to my parents' house, I found out, my Auntie had called. A good one. To talk about everything that's going on. And to find out about my Dad. And to make sure we had my cousins' phone numbers. I'm so glad! It's nice to hear from them. To know that we're all on the same side. Our grandpa's side.

But the thing I will take away from yesterday, more than anything else, is my Tatie telling me, "You belong here. I love you. I'm so happy we got to talk." That's all I needed. I'm still on cloud 9. And I'm so happy that he's doing much better! ♫

Fun and Family

On Sunday, we had my niece's graduation party. Honestly, it took forever to get together! I'm not going to lie. A lot of hard work. And not many people to pitch in. But we got it together. I was going through sales flyers for weeks! My parents were running around town. Buying hot dogs, fruit, and whatever else I could find on sale.

And I was running from Dollar Tree to Dollar Tree. Looking for plates, table clothes, and utensils. So much to do. So little time to do it in. It's a long story. But last minute, the party was moved to my parents' house. And all of a sudden, they had a crap load of stuff to do. And do you remember, I went to NC to work...

But it everything was coming together. K came to help us with the yard. And after 3 days of cleaning, the yard looked good. Not great. But good. I cooked for what felt like days! And eventually, everything got done. K was a HUGE help! Along with my brother R. Who put up tables, chairs, BBQ grills, decorations, and the tent. All right before the party. Thanks so much!

Did I mention the cake issue? COSTCO told us to pick up the cake on Saturday at 6PM. Well, they close at 6PM. A new policy or something. We almost didn't have a cake. And we didn't get our last minute stuff either. :( But it all worked out. We had to wait outside while an employee got the cake.

We were also calling people on Saturday night. Yes, the night before. To come to the party. I have to tell you, we have some amazing friends. Because they showed up! Wow! And everything seemed to work out. I'm actually quite shocked. But it worked out. Last minute things, well if they didn't get done, I didn't worry.

We all had an amazing time. At least I think everyone did. There was a ton of food left over! But my Dad is one of those people, that would rather have a lot of food leftover. Than for us to be short food. It's not so bad. Lots of people took home food. We froze the extra hot dogs and hamburgers. And well, my parents are sending me home with a bunch of fruit and veggies. All is well. :)

Honestly, I wish I would have had more time to talk to people. But I was cooking. And just trying to stay alive. I was so tired. And I ended up sleeping half of Monday to recover. I'm still exhausted. But a lot better.

So many people told me that they want to come back. Lots of kids want to come over and play. And we've already planned a BBQ for Father's Day! I really do enjoy my parents' house. And their backyard. It's so peaceful and relaxing.

But the day was fun. And I got to see lots of family. That I normally don't see. And I spent time with my nieces and nephews. Chatted with lots of little kiddos. And well, I think we all just enjoyed life. At least for a few hours. Hmmm, I think we have 2 years until the next big graduation... ♫

Family

I'm extremely disappointed in my family. What the heck is going through their heads? My Tatie is sick. This is no time for a full out war!

I'm not claiming to be a saint. But let's be honest here. When someone is sick, and in the hospital, the family should pull together. Not pull apart. And attack each other.

I've been quietly sitting on my hands. I've texted my sister. And talked to my parents. I've asked questions about Tatie's care. Because I'm generally concerned. Being that I work in the field of medicine, have experience in nutrition, and a care about my Tatie...I ask questions.

Yes, I know about nutrients, diets, and the such. Hello! My degree, and field of primary study for my BS, is human nutrition. I'm not trying to be the doctor here. But there are some questions that you could ask. So don't bite my head off, I'm just trying to make sure my grandpa is getting the best possible care.

Another thing that has completely annoyed me this week, is how people seem to be screening who sees Tatie. Let's get real. He's got kids from 2 marriages. They're all his kids. Whether you like them or not. They have a right to see their father.

When my Dad was in the hospital, I never said anything. I welcomed my siblings. Because that is what my Dad needed. I may not like them. Or even respect them. But it's what made my Dad feel better. Happier. So why can't my aunts do the same thing?

Are you seriously not going to allow people to see Tatie, based on who has visited him. And how often? Are you serious? I for one, well, I have a Dad that has needed all the time and care I could give him. It's been just over 5 months since he almost died. Not to mention, I live 3 hours away. Work 100+ hours a week. And go to school. But I have managed to visit twice. But obviously, it's not enough for the "Guard Dogs."

So I leave it at that. You want to be that way, fine. My Tatie knows I love him. We've had some very interesting conversations. Like that day when Nanie wasn't home, and Tatie wanted to talk. He told me so much. Asked me so many questions. He knows what's going on. He's not dumb. And I know for a fact, that he knows that I love him, think about him, and pray for him every single day.

I've sent my grandparents countless packages. All to be returned. With the same handwriting. But I'm not letting it stop me. I know that I do it, out of the kindness of my heart. For my grandparents. For my Tatie. If this person doesn't like it, oh well. It's on your back, not mine. I know what I do for them. All the boxes and cards, I have them sitting in my closet. Let's not even talk about how many times I call. But you know, they screen the calls. And if they don't want to talk to you, well no one answers the phone. But at least I try.

For me, the straw that broke the camels back, was Thursday evening. Already, these people were rude to my Mom Wednesday. She went to visit her Dad. No one would let her see him. He was resting. But there were 3 visitors. Someone could have stepped out for a minute. Just so she could have seen her Dad. She didn't want to wake him. But no. That's how much care, love, and concern they have for my Mom.

Thursday evening. That was low. For everyone that was involved. Everyone that knew what was going on. After certain people went to my parents' house earlier. And then, to pull what they did. Are you serious? Are you that scared of the things you do, that you must attack someone else? Act like a damn fool?

Already, I had no respect for this particular woman. I haven't spoken to her in about 10 years. I will not let her touch me. I don't care if she wants to hug me, I want nothing to do with her. She knows why. I shouldn't have to respect someone who has no respect for me or my parents. Enough said. But to act the way she did. And get others involved. It's ridiculous!

So not only have you taken money from my parents, you harass them. That's ridiculous! Especially after everything that my parents have done for my grandparents. But how easily people forget. All those cigarettes, beer, food, time, energy, little trips, and such...and they forget. They forget the time spent.

Then to accuse my Mom of this nonsense. She hasn't spoken to her brother since October. At a family party. And those sisters...it's been years. Since they tried to "take down the family." Yes, years! As in at least 4...if not longer.

But when you are a "scaredy cat" and are trying to hide, I guess you just lash out. Blame anyone that is around you. There's not enough sense, to realize the harm you are doing. You are tearing apart this family. As far as I'm concerned, I have Tatie, Uncle John, Auntie Ronnie, and a bunch of cousins. The rest, well, if I never see them again, it wouldn't bother me.

To have someone waiting for you, to attack you, and yell at you like a wild animal, that is crazy. For people to be throwing things at you, and waving around canes like that...that's nonsense! Why? Because someone else is after you? Maybe you should research this a little better. Really look at who is attacking you. And going after you. It's not the sister that you are blaming.

It's not the first time that people have hurt my Mom. People in her family. That are supposed to love her. There was that time, when my Uncle was dying. And everyone got together to celebrate his birthday. The purposefully left my Mom out. And all those holiday celebrations. But the crazy thing is, the people in this family that matter, they know that she loves them. They know that I love them. That's all that matters. Not these crazy women.

The sad part is, they are tearing apart this family. Do you know something? I have a cousin, that I heard was looking for a better job. I made some calls, talk to a bunch of people. And I got her an interview for this amazing job. I literally got the call this morning. But now...do I dare call her? Because if I do, will I be the next one they attack? So I decided, I'm just going to let it go. Because there's too much, for me, to lose in the end. And it's not worth it.

That hurts. That's the sad part. Because it's hurting people that aren't even involved in the main family problems. Why can't my cousins go see our grandpa? A cousin that helped build their home. Why can't my Mom see my grandpa? Her Dad. Or my Uncle. This is what is ridiculous.

But we are not the ones to decide what is right or wrong. There is a judgement day for that. A day when you have to face the Lord, and explain the things you've done. There is no hiding from him. He knows what you've done. No matter how well you think you've hidden it. He knows.

For these people, that feel superior to the rest of us, it's not worth it. You're hurting the family more, than you are helping it. Does it make you feel so good, because you attack someone? I'm not like my Mom. I wouldn't have taken that. Maybe you will call my a B, but I don't care. People need to respect people, in order to receive respect back.

For my family that is innocent in these matters, I love you. We may not see each other often. May only speak a few words, but I love you. You are in my heart. And will always be there. There is no changing that. I love you.

And all that is left to do, is pray for Tatie. Pray that he recovers. And that he is allowed to live, his last few years in peace, surrounded by love, and in a way that makes him happy. That's all that matters. No matter how much people don't want to see it, his health and happiness is all that matters. And every single day, that is what I pray for. ♫

Letting Love In

The thing about life is, it's always changing. It never stays the same. Therefore, we must change with it.

Almost a year ago, my youngest sister wanted to meet for lunch. Or something like that. But I wasn't feeling it. At that point, it had been almost 9 years since I had last seen her. And honestly, my heart was not in the right place for reconnecting.

I've struggled a lot with siblings in the past. The last 2 years, they've tested me more times than I'd like to admit. Generally, they've just hurt me. And I just wasn't in the place to deal with another round of hurt. Not from a sibling at least.

But yesterday, my heart melted a little. Maybe it was the news about Tatie. Or the fact that I've been surrounded by this amazing family. My boss' family. And you feel all the love. And I said to myself, "I want that relationship. I want to be close to at least one of my siblings. I want to trust them."

So I extended the invitation. At least the thought of it. Plans are not finalized. But the wheels are in motion. And I have a little secret to tell you. I'm super excited about it! I really want to see my big sister. I want to reconnect. I want to have a relationship with her.

It may sound crazy. Or like I'm nuts. But I do want these relationships. I was raised as an only child. And honestly, most of my siblings would rather I die right here, right now, than to even talk to me. But I've learned. In 28 years, that it's not about me. It's about family situations.

So if there is a way, to just build one healthy relationship, I'm going to try. I want that. I want to have someone to share life with. To include in my family. I want a sibling to share with. Most of all, I just want a chance with my big sister. ♫

New Graduate

On Tuesday, I feverishly drove to my hometown. Why? My niece had her "Robing and Awards Ceremony." I got to town about 2 hours prior. My parents and I went to have dinner. Then parked at least a block from the school gym. The gym that I spent so many hours in. You know, fine tuning Cheerleading routines...

We sat through about 2 hours of graduation anticipation. We watched my niece get "Robed." We listened to all the awards and scholarships that were given. Watched part of the 2011 Senior Class Video. Listened to speeches, and performances. Looked at the changes in my old high school. And enjoyed the evening.

Because we couldn't find E, we called. As we walked through the sand. Trying to keep my Dad vertical. And trying to make it back to the van, before it got too dark. We met my nieces at a parking lot. Said a quick hi and bye. And we went our separate ways.

This afternoon, I was like a "Chicken without a Head." Trying to get it all done. A quick run to the Dollar Tree, for party supplies. Two trips to the pharmacy. A literal "run" to Walgreen's for some cards. And a quick drive across the street for flowers. Hello? It took 6 stops to find flowers. But it was worth it!



Why? Because we have a new graduate in our family. My niece, E. She graduate 10 years, and 3 days after I did. From the same high school. Wearing the same royal blue color. Earning the same degree. It was incredible being there.

It was no easy task getting there. There was the idea of finishing up the "work day." Remember all the errands? Getting flowers. Changing clothes. Grabbing a quick dinner. Getting to the ceremony. Standing in the line. Thank God for the handicapped line. All those people. Pushing. Shoving. Just trying to get there. And finally, we sat in our seats. Spent forever looking for anyone we knew. Spent at least 10 minutes trying to find our graduate.

But it was worth it. Such a proud moment. For the entire family. Her Mom, made sure she got to this place. To be a graduate. My parents were such a big part of E's life. I remember all those days, of taking her to school. Heck, I remember helping her with her homework. I wonder if she remembers counting beans in the office? :)

E is a graduate. Forever a member of the class of 2011. A Mustang. And guess what? She was the happiest, I've seen her, in a very long time! I'm glad. She deserves it. She has worked so hard to get to this point. Now, it's time to celebrate her accomplishments!

We have just over 2 weeks to plan her party. In the middle of all of this, I'll be in NC. Working. To come back, and go straight to cooking and cleaning. But out of all of my nieces and nephews...there are no 2 more important to me than, E and N. Yes, these 2 girls mean the world to me! And just think, in 2 years, we'll be doing this for N. I can't wait!

It's so funny. How much I had forgotten about my own graduation. Only to be remembered over the last 2 days. It's an honor to know that my niece and I will forever be graduates of WM. To know that we accomplished such a big task. And made our own footprints in the sand.

Also, a big Congrats to my cousin. Who also graduated tonight. I didn't know he was graduating until last night. But we are all so proud of you! And E, you made us all so proud. Remember to keep chasing after your dreams! ♫

Reflecting

After the busy, nonstop, and exciting week that I had, I want to just stop and relax. To reflect on the good in my life. The positives. All that I've accomplished. All that I've been blessed with.

I often hear things like, you have it so easy. Your parents do it all for you. Blah, blah, blah. But I don't think people realize, just how much I work. How I am the one that foots the bills. I pay for school. I do those things. To save money, I walk to school every single day. Even when we had snow. Or when it's 104 degrees. I do that.

But I'm OK with it. Because I'm an adult. And it's what adults do. They take care of themselves. It's not always easy. Heck, there are days. Very bad days. When I just want to give up. When the hospital stuff is just too much. When I've been pushed to my limits. Held by gunpoint. When I have stacks of homework to do. And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I'm tired. When I'm barely able to buy a box of macaroni. But I never give up.

God has such grace for us. Kindness, love, and support. He keeps us going, even when we can't keep ourselves going. He sends us special people. Amazing friends. Great mentors. Even perfect strangers. All to show us the way. To help us on our journeys. To love us. To help us. And even to shoulder some of our burdens.

I know this first hand. I've experienced it. I'm not looking to be any one's hero, or angel. But I will help people, as much as I possibly can. Because I know I have a God to depend on. A God that is there for me. Even when I feel so alone. So I'll take care of my friends' kids, on those days when I know they need a break. I'll buy groceries for a hungry mom and her kids. Even if it means I go home with nothing. And it's me, that makes all those things for the kids in PEDS, the PICU, and the NICU. Because it makes me feel better, deep inside, were it matters most.

Maybe it's the fact, that I spent almost a week, with truly kindhearted people. That wanted nothing more, than to share their wealth. And I don't mean money. I mean time, love, and talents. I spent so much time with my favorite itty bitties. Just soaking up, all of their love. Learning so much from these innocent children.

But today, I woke up, with a new attitude. One of purity, honesty, open heartiness, full of love, and wanting to do better. I've struggled with a heavy heart. Especially towards my family, for a while now. Maybe it's the way they put me down, the things they say about me, or just the way I'm treated. But I've carried this heavy heart, for far too long now.

I want to be better. I want to do better. I want to be a better person. I want to be a forgiving person. Not for the other people, but for me. I want to let go. And let things just be. I want to be a happier person.

Over the years, I've learned how to do that with friends. To let them go. Even when I didn't want to. Realizing, the ones that truly care, well, they never really go away. A great example is My Music Man. As much as I have pushed him away, he's fought to be part of my life. He truly wants to be in my life.

And I need to do this. I need to be graceful enough to stop holding the hurt. For those siblings that honestly hurt me, so painfully so, I need to let go of it. It doesn't mean that I have to tolerate their actions. But I also don't have to hold on to all of that hurt and pain.

Most of all, I need to continue to pray for God's love and guidance. To allow him to show me the way. To lead me towards the good in life. To help me make my talents stronger. If it's medicine I'm meant to work in, I know, God will help me find the way. Finances and all. He's always been here.

But as much as I need and want to do all of this, I need to remember me. I need to start putting me and my needs ahead of others. Because I never do. How can I be a better person, if I never work on me? How can I be strong enough to take care of others, if I'm not taking care of me? I need to learn how to be better to myself.

Days like today, remind of how blessed I am. But they also show me how far I still need to go. God's journey for us, well it takes a lifetime. We're never really done. But with each new step, we grow. Stronger, more loving, and into better souls. ♫

Happy Easter!

Today is a glorious day! He is risen! I honestly can't think of a better day. Or a better reason to celebrate. Our Lord gave his life for us, and today, he is risen.

My plans are very simple. We're going to church. Sunrise mass. My favorite way to celebrate Easter. Then, my parents and I are going out to breakfast. Most likely, Cracker Barrel. One of my favorite places to go on a holiday.

Our afternoon will be filled with "Family Time." My cousin is hosting a BBQ at her house. And I'm honestly, really excited about it. I miss spending time with my family. And this, well it's going to be a nice day. Lots of family time. And lots of rejoicing! Happy Easter! ♫

Thinking About Christmas...

There was not a whole lot that I expected, or wanted, this year for Christmas. I was hoping for a simple day or two at home, with my parents. I had a few things that I really wanted. A couple of craft books, a crochet magazine subscription, and a scarf. Mostly, I was looking forward to some chili rellenos, and time with my parents. And I really wanted to go to Midnight Mass at our church.

It's almost been a month since Christmas. And honestly, this year, Christmas was a blur. I'm not even sure if I wished my Mom a Merry Christmas. I spent the early morning hours talking to my Dad, and praying. Usually I'm up wrapping presents until 4AM! And I had planned on going to Midnight Mass alone. But none of that happened.

It's all OK though. Because my Dad is OK. Minus the little sugar scare yesterday morning. He's honestly doing really well. Gaining strength with each passing day. And I guess being Diabetic Certified is coming in handy now. :) But honestly, Christmas came and went with little notice by me. Sad, but true. All that was on my mind, was getting my Dad healthy. And keeping my Mom calm.

A few years ago, I had a pretty sad Christmas too. Just some personal things that were going on. In the end, my parents and I enjoyed a quiet holiday together. Just the 3 of us. And after Christmas, we took a little road trip through the mountains. That was the year that taught me a lot about myself. For all sorts of reasons.

This year, I looked back on that simple holiday. I'm one of those people that usually write out 500 Christmas cards, bake enough cookies for the US Army, and decorate my house to look like a Christmas Wonderland. Christmas is truly one of my favorite times of year. I just love my religion, and this holiday is all about religion.

But that year, and this past year, it was different. I came home Wednesday, and I saw my sad decorations. Just a wreath on my door, and some bells on my front door. That's it!!! Not me at all! I never set up my Advent Wreath, or Nativity Scene set up. I didn't pick out a Christmas outfit, never finished my shopping, or started my baking, no Christmas cards were sent, and honestly, I think I wore a mismatched pair of sweats on Christmas Day. With snowflake socks, and the same pair of ballet flats that I wore for 2 weeks! I definitely didn't pack, to be home for almost a month.

This year, I definitely became closer to God. It was the first time that I was really scared about losing my Dad. Really scared! As a medical professional, I'm trained to handle tough cases. I've saved a life with a gun to my head. But when it's your parent, it's completely different. And when you see you Dad laying on the ground, bleeding from his head, turning blue, the entire world just stops.

I kept it together. For the most part. I had to. We don't have many people to lean on. And during those first few hours, all my Mom and I really had, was each other. And I needed to protect her. I was the strong one. The one that knew what was coming. The one that sent my Mom to the waiting room, and sat there with my Dad. Knowing that pain and even a bit of yelling was coming.

I anticipated those things. I protected my Mom. And I took care of my Dad. All those nights in the hospital, I stayed up. Talking to my Dad. Praying to God. Pleading with Patrick. Holding on to my faith. And just believing we'd all be OK. I cried. But not until late at night. When my Mom was asleep.

I'm almost positive that my Dad doesn't remember any of this. Or any of the conversations we had. I held tight to my faith. I prayed. I asked God for his grace, love, and strength. And I just held out hope.

We were very lucky. To have amazing people in our lives. Having some of the most amazing friends and family. Friends who are close to my heart. People that I feel closer to than my own family. Lots of prayers. From family and friends, near and far. People who visited every single day. Loved ones that were there for us, when we needed them the most. Whether it was the daily visit, the delicious food, the conversations, the support, or the love...it all meant so much!!!

And during this time, I really felt God's love. I have amazing friends here, that prayed for my Dad and our family. Friends who have never met my parents. They held special masses, said rosaries, and just prayed for us. So many people prayed. And through the power of prayer, love, and support...my Dad made it! :)

It's going to be a long recovery. It's an adjustment for my parents. But I'm just grateful to have my Dad back. He's making a recovery. And I'm so grateful for that. I'm literally speechless. God is Great!!!

This year, Christmas came almost a week late. No fancy dinner. No mass. Heck, I was still wrapping the few presents we had managed to buy one another. It took hours to get through our few gifts. You know, we had a break for a snack, and a little nap. But in the end, I was happy to be with my 2 parents. At home. And healthy.

Christmas isn't about presents, parties, shopping, big meals, or even actually attending mass. It's about those things we hold dear in our hearts. Celebrating Jesus Christ. Remembering what's important. The power of prayer. And the love of family and friends.

This year, the Christmas tree, lights, and all that wrapping paper didn't matter. I didn't watch a single Christmas movie. And I only had 1 relleno. Yes, 1! But I've never been so happy to sit in my parent's living room, listening to my parents sleep. Silly I know. But for us, this year, it really was the sound of pure bliss.

And after weeks at home, 2 trips to my home and back, lots of cooking, cleaning, and medical advice...I'm just happy to know my parents are doing well. Years from now, I'll look back on this holiday season, and remember all the love that I'm surrounded with. The people that truly love me and my family. The people that matter most. I'll remember how love really does conquer all. And that nothing is more important than religion.

Now, I need to get ready. I'm heading home for work. I'll be back by Sunday. To work out here. Honestly, I'm just excited to see my parents! It's been less than 48 hours since I've last seen them. And only 8 hours since we've talked on the phone. But honestly, I cherish every moment that we share. Happy Friday! ♫

Praying for My Daddy

Loving God,
you watch over each and every one of your children.
Hear my prayer for my father.
Be his constant companion.
Protect him no matter where he goes,
and bring him safely and quickly home to those who
love him.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

We have been so lucky. God has worked in some truly amazing ways. My Daddy is recovering. It looks as though, he's going to be OK. He's going to make it past all of this. God has given us all a second chance. One that I'm so grateful for!

I will still ask for your prayers. And all of your positive thoughts. It's going to be a long road. That much I know. Life is going to be a bit more complicated. We're going to need a few more patients. But we're grateful. Grateful for a second chance.

My family has been so blessed. With so many people, that love and care about us. With a steady, and constant flow of visitors. Such kind hearted people. And such a talented medical team. We're so grateful. Words can't describe just how much it's meant to us.

And for as tired as we are, we're happy. Beyond ecstatic! Just for a second chance. A few more days to fill with love and memories. Another shot at being a family. Yes, we're so excited!

It looks like my Dad should be released within the next few days. Like I said, he's getting better. It's going to take a while for him to recover. But my Mom and I, are just happy to have him. We're ready for the road to recovery, that lies in front of us. ♫

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! First and foremost, I want to thank my Dear Lord. For giving my Daddy, a second chance. It looks like he is going to recover. That's what the doctor has told us. He's still not out of danger. We're still in the ICU. And it's going to be a very long road. But he should make it. Praise God!

So a little information. My Dad's scans and test all came back looking good. But the doctor is still concerned with a few things. His medication was ridiculously low. So they increased that. His oxygen levels are also really low. So they're monitoring that. He as to have oxygen on 24/7. At least for now. And his sugars are running really high.

But the main concern is pneumonia. Because of his age. And he's had it before. So about twice an hour, they come in to suction him. He does not like it one bit! What can you do? They are really worried about that though.The nurses constantly come to check. Because if the pneumonia fully develops, we're in trouble.

With all that said, he's doing better. Not 100%. Heck, we might be at 20%. But he's doing better. Tonight, he might get his first meal. He's supposed to have a "clear liquid" tray. Of course, he is more concerned with my Mom and I eating. But we have amazing friends and family. All of whom, have been wonderful! We've had more than enough to eat. Thank you guys!

In his usual fashion, my Dad is trying to get out of bed, when we're not paying attention. But for the most part, he's been sleeping. We've had a pretty steady stream of visitors. And we are honestly so blessed. So many people stayed here at the hospital, with us, last night. I think we were up until 2AM!

My Dad is no where near "being himself." He's sleeping a lot. The really deep sleep. Mostly because of all the medications. He's also not really talking. But he is semi aware, of what is going on. He watches us all. And is doing pretty well. And when the doctor told him it was Christmas, he said, "Holy cow! Are you sure? I need to shop." The doctor just laughed! There will be plenty of time to celebrate, when he feeling better.

We've got another amazing nurse today. He's had so much patients with my Dad. Who insisted on sitting in a chair this morning. It took them about 30 minutes to get him in the chair. Then he told the nurse he was tired. So we put him back to bed. And he's been asleep since. So, he really hasn't sat up since Thursday morning.

Like I said, we've had so many visitors. Everyone has been so kind. And we've gotten so many phone calls. We are truly blessed. Like I said, my Dad is making small improvements. We still don't know what's wrong. And honestly, he's not really talking yet. So they can't ask him too many questions.

My Mom is handling this pretty well. Although, she won't leave my Dad's side. But I'm making sure she eats. And sleeps. I've also made sure she is semi-comfortable. Has the necessities and clean clothes. We're just trying to make it. That's all I can say.

I'll keep everyone, as updated, as I can. You can call at anytime. I have all 3 of our cellphones. And you are more than welcomed, to call the hospital room. Or come by! My Dad might not talk to you on the phone, but he enjoys getting the calls. He really lights up when he sees new faces.

Looks like he's waking up. I better get going. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas. Please keep my family in your prayers. Remember us today, while you are in church. May you have a wonderful day. Merry Christmas! ♫

Please Pray

We've had a pretty bad 24 hours. And now, I'm asking you all for your positive thoughts and prayers. My Dad got really sick yesterday. A lot worse than his "normal" for seizures. And by 9PM, I was calling an ambulance.

We spent a couple of hours in the emergency room. And then we were all rushed up to the ICU. I know it's bad. My Dad is in bed #1. But we've had a good team. An incredibly talented doctor last night. And an outstanding nurse here in the ICU.

Right now, they have my Dad pretty medicated. And he is going to spend most of the morning having scans and tests run. He is completely out of it. But at least, his breathing is becoming more easy. Last night, he struggled so much. At one point, I honestly wasn't sure if he was going to make it. And that really scared me.

I don't have anyone's phone numbers. Neither does my Mom. So if any of my family is reading this, send me a text or an e-mail. I'll let you know what is going on. But for now, please pray for my Daddy.

And I truly hope that everyone has a very blessed Christmas. I will try to keep everyone updated, as much as possible. I love you all. ♫

Pumpkin Bear

It's getting close to Halloween. My favorite holiday. I know that sounds weird. But Halloween is a very special day. I owe so much of that to my Auntie C. Halloween was also her favorite holiday. And the day that she went to go rest with the Lord.

But I try to celebrate Halloween. Not let my heart get heavy with grief. I know that is what my Auntie would want. And so, I need to start thinking about decorating. That was always our favorite part of Halloween. I can still see her house. Completely decorated inside and out! It was my favorite place to be!

So I'm getting started. With crocheting a few things. Like this little Pumpkin Bear. It's a free pattern from Free Crochet. And I need to start getting all my decorations out. Hmmm, I wonder where I put "Bones." My favorite outdoor decoration! ♫

When Goodbyes Are Too Tough

My heart is completely broken. Shattered to be exact. My "Superman" has lost his cape. 3 days after finding out, I think I'm finally processing everything. Patrick is no longer with us...

My friend, he was so much more than a friend. He started out as my parents' boss. Then became their friend. He was my mentor and role model growing up. And I can proudly say, as an adult he was my friend. And my second Dad. I say Dad instead of Father, because he was that close to me. That special and important to my heart and soul.

There are more times than I can remember, when I would call him to just talk. Talk about school, life, whatever was on my mind. And he was always there for me. With the best advice. Telling me how important all these things in life were. Like a college education, a good home, responsible finances, a good man to love, and even some time for my hobbies.

I knew Patrick for over 20 years. In those 20 years, he became one of the most important people in my life. I can say that full heartedly. Patrick was there when my family was not. For all the big steps and moments in my life. He was there. I could always count on him.

Even in my darkest days. The days when I wasn't so sure about my next step. He was there for me. Guiding me, and cheering me on. Without ever asking him, Patrick was just there. No matter if it was for a funeral for someone in my family, or just to listen to me talk. He was there for me.

I knew he had health problems. He was battling some of the most critical illnesses that I've ever heard about. But he never complained. Never showed signs of weakness. He was always so strong. So optimistic. Even knowing, that one day he would pass away from these very illnesses.

That's tough. But Patrick taught me so much. Especially in his last few months. He taught me about grace, love, and perseverance. Mostly, he taught me about faith. I always thought I was a religious person. But Patrick is someone who sincerely lived by the ways of God. I will always remember that.

In these tough times, I try to remember the things about Patrick that made me smile and laugh. His love of eating. I don't think there was a single thing the man didn't like. But his favorites included carne adovada and pineapple upside down cake. I would bake him cakes, just to see his eyes light up. Oh and his love for Sabor a Mi. :)

There were also the years and years, of him trying to set me up with his son. It really made me laugh. Nothing could stop him. Not the fact that I went to one high school, and his son to another. Our schools were rivals. He thought we'd be a perfect pair. Because I was a cheerleader and his son was a basketball player. Nevermind years later, when he tried to set us up again. His son had a girlfriend. But Patrick was trying. He never could accept that I'd never be his daughter in law. He even joked that he should have had another son.

I'm going to miss Patrick so very much. He was definitely one of my "7 Pivotal People." I owe so much to Patrick. I'm going to miss those hugs. And our long chats. I'm going to miss the silly e-mails. And the fact that I never got my #2, 3, or 4 pictures. Or that he broke his promise to be at my wedding. But I'm always going to carry Patrick in my heart.

Today was a very fitting day for his burial. Today is Fall Equinox. If you knew anything about Patrick, you'd understand the importance. The big rain storm that we had today, happened just as Patrick was being laid to rest. It felt like the world was weeping for this great man, just like we were. And as I sit here typing, and smelling the fresh crisp air, I can't help but to play back so many great memories of my dear friend, Patrick. Rest in Peace with the Angels in Heaven. One day, we shall meet again. ♫